he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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