his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
