I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
