And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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