Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
