I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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