Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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