dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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