i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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