New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
