I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
