I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
