Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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