Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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