My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
