my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
