So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
