she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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