i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
