So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
