I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
