I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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