Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
