I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
