bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How external is "for external use only"?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
