I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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