you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize