we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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