So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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