we made out on top of his cat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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