i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
