there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The air was thick with penises
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize