She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
