she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize