2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
