how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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