I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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