I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
