this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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