I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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