My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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