a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
