We won't sleep together?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
