I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
