wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
