I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
