I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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