so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize