Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
