she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
