the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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