You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
