I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
