gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i think i have two assholes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
