also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
