party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
