U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
