He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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