Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
