Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
