I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
