He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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