I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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