why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
