from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
