Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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