Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
