So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
