I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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